If You're Confident & You Know It, Pose & Smile!

It takes a lot of courage to stand in front of family, friends, fans, and complete strangers, and show off your body that is covered with very little material; very little left to the imagination.  So, going into a competition takes a person with a lot of self-assurance in themselves to make even an effort in entering in this arena.  Not only do you have to be physically strong but you have to be mentally strong as well, as cliché as that sounds. 

My nerves begin jumping a week before a competition, and they do not stop until I approach the stage, smile and pose.   I’ll admit, my very first competition, I was a deer caught in headlights.  Literally, I couldn’t get adjusted to the lights blazing on the center stage and I ended up staring at them the entire show!  I didn’t think I would do so well in that show, my confidence level was at a solid 2.5.  I wasn’t secure mentally or physically.  My pose was a little awkward and my smile was not as shiny and bright as it should have been.  I had several factors working against me.  Ambivalence started to weigh on me, questioning my reason as to why I was subjecting myself to such physical and mental stress.  Naturally, when your confidence feels shattered or at least shaken, you tend to give up.  Not me.  I told myself, for the next show, I would have everything in place, confidence being at the very top of the list.

And I did.  My second show I was more together.  My pose was so spot on my back and legs started hurting, which I didn’t realize until the very end of the show.  My smile was so big my cheeks hurt.  I was told if I was having all of these ailments, I was doing it right.  Confidence level was a whopping 10.  I knew what I had to do to get where I wanted and what I wanted.  My resolve could not be broken at that point.  All I could do was be confident, pose and smile.  And it earned me a 2nd place trophy and qualifier for NPC National shows. 

It hurts, physically and mentally, but that confidence knowing you’ve done everything you are supposed to do to get where you are is the greatest reward.  I say, no matter what it is you’re subjecting yourself to, whether it be a competition, a test in some form, or just challenging yourself to be a better person, you have to have an unwavering, impenetrable confidence that you can look back and say this is what I did to get where I am and nothing can stop me.  Then, just pose and smile, because you’ve got it like that!

Fitness Is My Boyfriend

All my ex's and the guys waiting in the wings for me, please pay very special attention to this message. I have a new boyfriend named Fitness (fancy isn't it 😉). We were kind of "talking" and "just friends" for a while until sometime last year when I made my feelings known that I wanted more of a serious commitment. He agreed and said he would do anything it takes to keep me right; mind, body and spirit. Doesn't that sound like a keeper?? 

So here we are, a year and four months later, and we're still going strong. Don't get me wrong, we've had our blow-ups and I've almost ended the relationship a few times. But something in me won't give up on us. It's all in how he makes me feel, not to mention look. I feel and look better than I ever have in my entire life, and I owe that all to my boo, Fitness (such a fancy name!). We've done things together I never thought I could do or even wanted to do.  He's kind of wild and exciting, spontaneous. And he wears me out 😝!  Sorry ladies, he's allllll mine!! I know I won't be giving him up without a fight, because he taught me how. 

So to my love, my heart, I say I love you with all my aching muscles. I will never cheat on you nor will I give up on you as long as blood pumps through my veins. Our bond is as strong as two 45 lb plates resting squarely on my shoulders as I squat. You planked me with your love and I reciprocated by bench pressing your heart to mine. You don't consider me a dumbbell when I do an exercise wrong. Instead, you arm curl me to your chest and show me how to do it right. You're not easy on me, though. I can handle that. You're my iron therapist on days when I have issues, and my beast on those...other days. I'm a lucky girl to have such a strong man in her corner 😉. 

But I'm Tired....Days When I Feel Like Giving Up

Not everyday is happy, sunny, running barefoot in the meadows wonderful when I workout.  There are days when I'm physically and mentally exhausted.  Too tired to think, speak, and even move. Somehow, I manage to do it, but barely. There are times where I actually argue with my trainer, completely blow-up. Cuss, fuss, then storm out.

During these times, when I'm completely drained, I get into discourage mode and want to give up.  I'm talking throw up both hands, back away dramatically and say, "F this s*it!"  Many things play a role in this state of mind; work stress, finances, the physical pain and strain to my body, results not showing fast enough, and, the biggie, what is the end goal here and what am I doing this for?  I've mentioned my whole stress process in a previous post, it gets pretty ugly, fast, and before I know it everything has spiraled out of control. The days where I feel like giving up I have to think of the things that have gotten me to that point and is the end goal, what I'm working hard to achieve, worth all of this.

One side of me says, "But I'm hangry (combination of hungry and angry) and I just want a cookie and to punch somebody!" The other side of me says "Stop being a baby, get it together and quit trippin'!" The results aren't going to get there without hardwork behind it. So, I wipe my face, dust off my shoulders and get back in the lab and do, what I consider, is my best.   

Days I feel like giving up don't last long because my fight, dedication and determination is stronger than it ever has been. I figure something that's hanging on as tightly as fitness and fitness modeling isn't worth giving up on. It's more push to keep it going and fight those urges I have to "give up" as hard as I can. 

So I continue dieting when I don't want to, workout when my body aches, and shake off those sissy "give up" feelings.  Because at the end of the day, proving to myself I can conquer all of this and finally be great at something is not just the push but the "shove" I need to step up to the plate and get it. I'm hangry for it! 

                                             

Glamour can get ugly; the negative driving forces behind fitness modeling

When the glitz and glam and all the spray tan wears off, reality sets in. I start to think about my true motivation for this sport and what drives me. As I have stated in a previous post, I've never been a part of something and stuck with it. This sport allowed me to take what I or others may have deemed awkward and weird (my body) into something beautiful, inspirational and glamourous. But just like everything else, there's a dark side.

What I've learned from competing this year (my first year) is you're either all in or you're not.  Point, blank and the period.  No one is going to spend countless hours prepping their body and minds for a sport they have no interest in.  You have to stay committed to your diet, your body, your coach (if you have one), your training or trainer (if you have one), and the goals you've set.  There are competitors whose driving force is obtaining a pro card.  That's their motivator, that's what keeps them in the game.  Some are in it just for the sport itself, to stay active, fit and have fun and that's enough for them.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that.  But whatever the motivator is, you have to make sure you stick with it.  Either you're in or you're not.  Last thing anyone wants is their time and money (HELLO!!) wasted. 

The ugliness to all of this is the factor behind the driving force.  Some competitors in this sport for the pro card get so consumed with that motivator that nothing else matters.  They're so hungry for it becomes a lifestyle change.  Suddenly, they're gymrats, trainers, life coaches, vegans, nutritionists and their whole world is about peanut butter, spinach, sweet potatoes and fish.  Now, I'm not saying anything is wrong with this but when you get so wrapped up in something and what's considered the "it" thing in that sport, you become that sport instead of just letting the sport be what it is and just fitting into your role as competitor. 

When I first started, I was in all the way.  I was a gymrat, I thought about being a trainer and tossed around the idea of a nutritionist.  But I quickly realized it would be more of a job than just being what it is, a hobby.  I wanted to have fun with this sport, not let it consume my everyday life.  I wanted to be able to take a break from it and come back with that same fresh adrenaline pumping energy as I did with my 2nd show (I wasn't all that enthused with my 1st show). 

My motivation to continue competing is to enjoy my body the way it is now, have a story to tell and to say to someone, yes, I competed in fitness body building competitions and had a blast.  Do I want a pro card?  Yes, someday.  But I'm not going to kill myself if I don't.  I'm going to factor in what needs to be done, get back in the lab and get it done.  Point, blank and the period.