I think the reason I want to succeed so much at fitness modeling is because never in my life have I had something that I was truly great at. I never had anyone praise me for anything besides scholastics and writing, and even then I never really received accolades and true admiration for it. This, fitness modeling, is something that I can say I stepped out of my comfort zone for and succeeded, or at least feel as though I can go all the way. I've always wanted to be great at something, always wanted to succeed at something. Always wanted something that I didn't have to share with someone that just belonged to me. Something my parents could tell our family and their friends that, beyond college, their daughter did this and it made them proud. Right now, all they can honestly say they're proud of is that I graduated at the top of my high school and undergrad class and received my masters degree. I'm not doing all of this for anyone but myself but I can't help but think I'm doing this for all the underdogs of the world, the ones that are too scared to step outside the box and try something different because of what people will think or say about them, the voiceless and unmotivated that need someone to carry the torch. Well, if I am that sacrificial lamb, so be it. I just want to succeed. I just want to be great. To me, it's more than just my body that is on display. It's my heart. Underneath all the glow of the lights, the hair, mounds of makeup, the spray tan, and oil covering my body, I want my inner-self to shine through so they, the judges and everyone else viewing me, can see that there's more to me than what they're seeing on stage.
I just had to get that off my chest......
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